Hunter
by Kaz Gemcity
Summary: Songfic based off the sonf Hunter by Dido.- If you were a king up there on your throne, would you be wise enough to let me go? For this queen you think you own, wants to be a hunter again. I want to see the world alone again.- Listen to the song first!


_With one light on in one room_

_I know you're up when I get home_

_With one small step upon the stair_

_I know your look when I get there_

I knew the way he looked at me. Of course I did. Even for people who don't know us, it is hard to miss. Madi sees it. Sam sees it. Hell, even Jesse sees it, though he will never admit it. 'Cause I see the way Jesse looks at me too. I pretend it doesn't bug me, but it does. It bugs me the he looks at me too.

Like I am his. Sometimes I have no adversion to that. It is nice to belong, to be wanted, by somebody. But it gets to be a little bit much. I can yell at him and scream at him, and still he looks at me like I can do no wrong.

Madi doesn't know it, but I know what she said to Jesse, about me and him. How we love each other and how we hate each other, but it is always each other. Well she is wrong. I love him and I hate him. But he always loves me.

_If you were a king up there on your throne_

_Would you be wise enough to let me go_

_For this queen you think you own_

_Wants to be a hunter again_

_Wants to see the world alone again._

_To take a chance on life again_

_So let me go_

He is the king of my world, whether I admit that I need his help or not. And I don't, need his help. But there was a time when he left me. It was because I told him to. It was for his benifit that he left as well. I know that.

But I like to think that if I hadn't asked him, he would have stayed. He would have quit the CIA, and stayed with me in Dublin. Deep down I know that I am wrong. He would have stayed with his job. He is to commited to it, to helping people.

He asked me to be his queen. That's why I sent him away you know. He got down on one knee and the whole nine yards. I couldn't say yes, even though he said he would see me more this way. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life as some spy's wife. So I told him to go and he did.

_The unread book and painful look_

_the tv's on, the sound is down_

_One long pause_

_then you begin_

_oh look what the cat's brought in_

I knew that is was my worst mistake. After he left, I couldn't read. Not gun magazines and not ammo mishap stories. I couldn't sit still.

I tried keeping the TV on for the sound, but it irritated me. So I kept the volume down and practiced my lip reading. Even that brought back painful memeories.

When I looked in the mirror, I no longer saw the beautiful shining woman I was when he was with me. Now I saw a haunted girl with painful eyes.

When someone opened the door, I would draw in a quick breath, thinking he came back to me, even after I sent him away. And it was never him. It was the mailman, or the grocer, or the baker, but never him. Once it was even a cat, holding one of his socks. In it was pictures of us together. I remembered seeing fresh dirt when he left, but I never knew what he buried. He buried me. Us.

_If you were a king up there on your throne_

_would you be wise enough to let me go_

_for this queen you think you own_

_Wants to be a hunter again_

_wan__ts to see the world alone again_

_to take a chance on life again_

_so let me go_

_let me leave_

I couldn't help myself when that maid called me, almost three years ago. I can remember he words as if it were yesterday. He was in a hotel room. She thought he was going to die. I rushed from New York. I told myself it was because I wanted to be there to insult him at the end. But that wasn't it, not really. I wanted to tell him I was sorry. That I loved him. Yes, I would be his queen.

Once I saw him, I knew he wasn't going to die. Just broken ribs. I was amazed that my cell number was his emergency contact. I changed it at least every month, and it was no small task for him to keep it updated. When I woke him up, and we fell back into the old, comfortable pattern of banter, I knew that all the things I was going to say, would never fit now. So I swallowed them.

I couldn't help wondering, though, if I made a mistake in staying and agreeing to help him. Would I be under his spell again?

_For the crown you've placed upon my head feels too heavy now_

_and I don't know what to say to you but I'll smile anyhow_

_and all the time I'm thinking, thinking_

I found that I was. He would still do what he thought was right, no matter what anyone else thought. That included working with Strictler. I didn't aprove. I realized that I couldn't stand who he was turning into. Or maybe it was just who he was, and he showed me a different face. I knew it was possible. I had seen him portray enough different people, convincing his marks that he was somebody that he was not.

I didn't think he could do the same thing to me. I thought I knew him better that that. So I smiled and told him I was going back to Ireland. And no matter how much it hurt him, he let me go.

_I want to be a hunter again_

_want to see the world alone again_

_to take a chance on life again_

_so let me go. _


End file.
